When my parents both passed away, the only family I had left was my brother. We lived in the same town, and together for awhile, until he moved in with his girlfriend. They lived under a mile away from me and we talked on the phone every day and saw each other often.
When I got the call three months ago from the police department that he has passed away while at a store, I was shaken to my very core. I still can’t believe it. He was 64 years old and there was nothing that could have warned of this..no serious medical problems. He had a massive heart attack.
Dealing with his death has been devastating. I know all of you can relate to this and know what I’m talking about. I’ve been through over a dozen deaths in the past eight years and it never gets any easier. But the other problem that has developed is my realization that I am now totally alone, on my own for the first time in my life. It was one of the scariest moments I’ve ever experienced when that horrible thought sunk in.
Let me explain a little about myself. I was always close to my family. I was never the super independent type who wanted to live on her own. I have been married and divorced twice. I have been through rough periods.I’ve had anxiety/panic problems, on and off, most of my life. I was always ok though because I had my family to fall back on…they were my safety and security and love.
So no matter what age you are, when you find yourself alone, it is really scary. I have talked to ninety year old women who feel the same way. We all need love and support and when it’s suddenly gone, it is devastatingly frightening.
I am going to write about a lot of subjects on this blog…grief, anxiety, panic, feelings of isolation…and everything we feel when we are thrown into dealing with our lives all by ourselves, without any safety nets left.
So, the question I’m asking myself is, “I’m alone, now what? How do I cope with all of this?” I hope you will come along with me on this journey and together we can learn from each other and help each other through the dark times. My biggest hope is that it will make us all feel less alone.