When Being Alone is Better

lone tree

Photo by Jennifer Ellison at www.FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I will admit to feeling very  lonely sometimes and wishing there was another person in the house with me. For many reasons. It can be so hard to live alone and have no one to share things with or depend on.

In the “perfect world”  picture in my mind I would have someone who loved me, cared about me, understood me and accepted all my faults and problems. But, this is not likely to happen. The world is not that perfect. So, it got me to thinking that sometimes it’s better to be alone.

I  have anxiety/panic disorders and most people don’t understand them. So having someone around who didn’t would put more pressure on me and certainly not be helpful at all. I am grieving so many losses (most recently my brothers passing) and I need to be able to burst out crying if need be. This can get on others nerves and make you feel guilty about being so emotional.

Just trying to take care of myself is exhausting. Trying to take care of someone else at the same time would be overwhelming. Sometimes we are not good company when going through trials and tribulations and it is a relief not to have to be “on” for anyone.

I realized that I  have nothing to offer someone else…and I don’t mean that in a bad way (or at least that’s what I tell myself). I have always been there for others and still am, but I am depleted at this point. I feel ashamed sometimes that I feel this way, but have reminded myself that we can’t always give. Sometimes we can hardly give to ourselves, let alone anyone else and that’s okay. We don’t  have to save the whole world. Many times we are just trying to save ourselves and it can take all of our energy.

So, I may feel lonely a lot, but I also feel relieved too on some level. The next time you are feeling particularly lonely, think about the pros and cons of having someone around. The cons may outweigh the pros. It is often kinder to yourself to be alone and be able to cope the way you need to, without worrying about what effect it will have on someone else.

The one person I would give anything to have around is my mother.  When she passed away, I lost my rock, my security, my safety, my best friend. But I am glad she doesn’t have to see me going through the problems I’m having now. Selfishly, yes, I would love to have her here to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright, which she had to do my whole life. But I am glad she doesn’t have to bear that burden anymore.

I guess when it is all said and done, we often times only have ourselves to count  on, so being alone is a way to try to learn that and deal with it. I am trying to and I hope that all of you who are suffering are doing well with that too. I wish all of you comfort in the fact that we really aren’t ALL alone, in the sense that there are many of us going through the same thing. The one place we can be together is through sharing our stories on sites such as this one. We can support each other and feel less alone, with others who know exactly how we feel. So please leave a comment and tell me how you feel. I honestly want to know and I honestly care.

 

 

4 Comments

  • By Susan Scarlet-Macaw, December 17, 2014 @ 3:09 am

    Your post really got me thinking. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I do wonder about alone sometimes but I think that when I do, I am more likely to get depressed. I have been meditating for a while and it has helped me being ok with being alone. Exercise always helps me to feel better even when I’m alone. Thank you for wondering how others are in the wide world web. so immense but it’s nice that after all, we are just humans passing by in this little passing time. 😉

  • By Sheila, December 17, 2014 @ 5:51 am

    Hi Susan, thanks for commenting. I am glad you have found ways to help you be ok with being alone. It can be a double-edged sword, that’s for sure. I’m so glad you stopped by and told me how you feel. I wish you peace and love.

  • By Jay Sis, March 30, 2015 @ 12:12 am

    I am glad that I found this website because I have been searching for a community that understands my struggle. I have always been alone: from a childhood with a sociopath mother and sister and brothers who viewed me as an outsider; kids and adults who didnt understand due to high level of maturity and intelligence (all who abused me mentally, emotionally and/or physically); to exes, colleagues and so-called friends whom used my neediness due to my issues of growing up with extensive abuse and dysfunction to exploit, use and /or abuse me. Now that I am in my 30’s, I dont want to be bothered with people not even at work but I get lonely and want someone there, if that makes sense. I wish I was sexually inhibited and explorative because I would be able to have a one-night stand and/or casual sex when I get lonely. Sigh. But because of my religious views I treck through this life celibant, alone and lonely.

  • By Sheila, March 30, 2015 @ 4:58 am

    Oh, Jay Sis, I am so sorry you had such a horrific life. I understand where you are coming from about not wanting to be bothered with people, but getting lonely. I guess I finally realized that I would rather be lonely than put up with people who didn’t respect or understand me. It is hard to be alone, but you never know what’s around the corner and someday you will find someone who gets you and loves you for who you are. Never ever give up hope, because really things can change for the better. It’s something I have to keep reminding myself of every day…sometimes many many times a day! Thanks so much for coming here and telling me about yourself. A huge hug to you.

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