When you have no family and are alone, the holidays can be a very depressing time. When my mom passed away, I only had my brother left, and frankly he was not that excited about holidays. So, for me, that was the beginning of my dread of all the hooplah over Thanksgivng and Christmas. I might add that Fathers Day and Mothers Day are hard too.
I still celebrated the usual way…presents and the food and decorating, but I really didn’t enjoy it much. When my brother passed away, that was the final straw. This will be the first year I won’t celebrate at all, since it’s only been 6 months since he passed.
I am not buying anyone presents or doing anything special. I am generally trying to ignore it all and waiting for it to be over! There is a certain part of me that feels like this isn’t right, like I’m doing something wrong. Why? I have no idea!
I finally decided that there is no shame in this. I am not in the mood, so why bother pretending? We all spend too much time doing things we think we should do, without really wanting to do them. I have no relatives left and only a couple of friends, so it’s not like I’m ruining it for anyone else.
Why on earth wouldn’t we dread the holidays in this situation? I am trying to accept my feelings these days and give them some attention and honor them. It is when we try to ignore how we feel and carry on that we make our depression worse. So it’s okay to dread the holidays when you are alone.
I have also found that if I accept this, I feel better. I take the pressure off myself to pretend I’m happy when I’m not. Now, I don’t want to give the impression I am the Grinch and go around being grumpy about it. If someone says “Have a nice Thanksgiving” to me at the store, I smile and say “You too!” That’s an easy thing to do and I’m not going to try to ruin someone else’s holidays. That’s just rude.
To all my fellow “aloners” give yourself permission to dread the holidays. Go ahead…say “bah-humbug” to yourself and don’t feel guilty. It’s a natural response. Honor your feelings, because they matter and you deserve to have them.